He went away sorrowful

Matthew 19: 16-30

Mark 10:17-31


The two passages above tell the story of the Rich Young Man (or Ruler).

And on Saturday, for the first time in my life, I had a deep awareness of how similar I am to the man in the story. I should be surprised, and in some ways I wasn't. But, I was deeply affected.

I sat listening to Paul Tripp speak at his Quest for More Seminar at Capital Hill Baptist. I sat listening to him repeat things from his book -- things I had just read the previous week -- things that didn't affect me on paper as they did hearing them in real time.

I was overwhelmed hearing the call God has on our lives. I was overwhelmed being reminded of how often I function in the kingdom of self. The kingdom where I am the ruler and when my demands are not met, all H-E-Double Hockey Stick breaks loose. I was overwhelmed being reminded of the Kingdom of God and what He demands.

When we broke for lunch, I wanted to get in my car and leave. In my heart, I was hanging my head in shame. I wanted to walk away. I was crying out to God -- I can't do this. I can't give it all. I'm so sorry.

Normally, by the grace of God, I'm pretty good at reminding myself of the gospel. But, not Saturday. I ate my lunch. I was so torn. I was thinking about the Rich Young Man and how he walked away sad. Grieved.

Lord, help me!

And then the 2nd half of the Seminar started. And Tripp reminded us of the gospel. He walked us through it. And he reminded me of God's love for me. I was sitting in the 2nd row, and Tripp locked eyes with me, saying: Your Daddy loves you. And I was undone. My heart wept. I was right when I said: I can't do this. I can't give it all.

I can't. That is the good news. Christ did it for me. My Daddy loves me because of what Christ did. What He sent Christ to do.

So, I won't be able to live perfectly for His Kingdom. I'm still so often going to live for my own. But, I do have the power to keep putting that to death. But His grace, I will live for less of me and more of Him.

On Saturday, after this encounter with my Savior, I went away joyful.